Oh Duncan, When Will You Ever Learn?
by gamestomper
Summary: Oneshot. Duncan learns of yet another one of Harold's hidden skills, and decides to use it for his own purposes. But, this just might be the stupidest, most knuckle-headed idea the delinquent has ever had.
1. Duncan's Idea

This one is shorter than the other one, but it's far funnier. I tried to keep everyone IC again.

Disclaimer: I do not own TDI or its charcters. Oh yeah, and the song inside is owned by Kiss, heh heh.

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Duncan decided to return to the Bass's cabin. After Harold won them the contest by beat-boxing, he had requested some peace and quiet for a while before a small party that night. The party would begin after the marshmallow ceremony, which was just beginning now. Duncan swung open the door, and saw the strangest sight. Harold was sitting at his bunk with a Paul-Gibson, electric guitar. And, he was playing it! Playing it pretty good, Duncan noticed. Harold looked at Duncan, and felt like he had been caught, as he stopped playing.

"Um," he began, not sure what to say or do now.

"Dude..." Duncan began, still in shock. "You play guitar?" he asked. Harold nodded.

"One of my sister's boyfriends taught me," he told Duncan proudly. Duncan just stared in disbelief.

"First the agility, then the beat-boxing, and now guitar playing?! You weren't kidding when you said you had skills!" Duncan exclaimed, feeling some new found respect for the nerd.

Then, Duncan had an idea. He felt a smirk appear on his face. Harold looked worried.

"What's that smirk for?" he asked. Duncan smiled at Harold.

"I need to know, can you play a certain song?" he asked.

"Well, if it's a rock song, there's a good chance I can play it," Harold told him. Duncan chuckled. He walked over, and sat next to Harold.

"How'd you like to help me out with a little something?" he offered. Harold narrowed his eyes.

"What do i get in return?" he asked. Duncan fished around in his pocket, and pulled out a 20 dollar bill. He handed it to Harold.

"20 bucks, and you help me with this idea of mine," he offered again. Harold pocketed the twenty, and faced Duncan.

"Deal. Now, what do I have to do?" he asked. Duncan chuckled evilly, and rubbed his hands together. This was gonna be awesome!

---

The party in the Killer Bass cabin was almost as good as the last one. Geoff, Bridgette, Katie, Sadie, Courtney, and Tyler were on the dance floor. DJ was the only one not dancing, and was instead enjoying some of the food. No one even noticed that Harold and Duncan were nowhere to be found. That all changed though, as the two walked through the door, catching everyone's attention.

"Where were you guys? You're missing an awesome party!" Geoff shouted, pumping his fists in the air. Courtney crossed her arms.

"Duncan, you weren't doing anything illegal, were you?" she asked. Duncan pointed to Harold.

"If I was, do you think I'd have Harold with me?" he shot back. Courtney rolled her eyes.

"Then, what were you guys doing?" Bridgette asked. Duncan smirked, while Harold scratched his chin innocently.

"Follow us, and you'll find out," Duncan replied, walking off. Harold followed after him, and the rest of the Killer Bass walked behind them.

No one had any idea what was going on, and were especially confused when they arrived back at the amphitheater. On stage was a radio, guitar, and microphone.

"Have a seat, and get comfortable. This is one show you'll never forget!" Duncan shouted, ushering everyone to the seats. Before Courtney sat down, Duncan grabbed her hand, and led her to the seat closest to the stage. Before Courtney could respond, Duncan climbed onto the stage, and grabbed the microphone. Harold had the guitar strapped around him, and he had his hand ready to press the radio. Duncan spoke into the microphone.

"This little number is dedicated to Princess. Enjoy the show," he added, with a small snicker. He pointed to Harold, and the nerd let out a long sigh. He pressed a button the radio, and began playing a beat on his guitar. Soon, the radio played drums to it as well. Geoff, with his vast knowledge of music, immediately looked horrified.

"Oh snap! He wouldn't!" he whispered to the rest of the team, except Courtney.

"What? It sounds like a good song," Bridgette shrugged. The others nodded in agreement. Geoff shook his head.

"No, just wait until you hear the lyrics!" he told them The others looked slightly worried, and began to listen to the song. Duncan began to scat to the beat.

_Doo doo doo doo DOO doo doo doo doo_

_Doo doo doo doo DOO doo doo_

_Doo doo doo doo DOO doo doo doo doo_

_Doo doo doo doo DOO doo doo_

_Tonight..._

_I wanta give it all to you..._

_In the darkness..._

_There's so much I wanta do..._

_And tonight..._

_I wanta lay at your feet..._

_Cause girl, I was made for you..._

_And you were made for me..._

Geoff gulped. He looked down at Courtney, and the others. By now, the others looked fearful of what Duncan was going to sing next.

"Here it comes!" he told them in a hushed whisper, looking worried. After headbanging to the beat, Duncan went into the chorus.

_I was made for lovin' you baby_

_You were made for lovin' me_

_And I can't get enough of you baby_

_(With Harold) Can you get enough of me?_

_Tonight..._

_I wanta see it in your eyes..._

_Feel the magic..._

_There's something that drives me wild..._

_And tonight..._

_We're gonna make it all come true..._

_Cause girl, you were made for me..._

_And girl, I was made for you..._

_I was made for lovin' you baby_

_You were made for lovin' me_

_And I can't get enough of you baby_

_(With Harold) Can you get enough of me?_

_I was made for lovin' you baby_

_You were made for lovin' me_

_And I can't give it all to you baby_

_(With Harold) Can you give it all to me?_

During the music interlude, the entire Killer Bass looked down at Courtney, who was already shaking with rage. Eventually, Duncan started to scat again.

_Doo doo doo doo DOO doo doo doo doo_

_Doo doo doo doo DOO doo doo_

_Doo doo doo doo DOO doo doo doo doo_

_Doo doo doo doo DOO doo doo_

_I was made for lovin' you baby_

_You were made for lovin' me_

_And I can't get enough of you baby_

_(With Harold) Can you get enough of me?_

_I was made..._

_You were made..._

_I can't get enough..._

_No, I can't get enough..._

_I was made for lovin' you baby_

_You were made for lovin' me_

_And I can't get enough of you baby_

_(With Harold) Can you get enough of me?_

Finally, the song ended. Duncan looked cockily down at Courtney. Harold also looked, but he did it fearfully. Courtney was red-faced, and shaking with rage. Her teeth were clenched together tightly, and her fists were squeezed together even more tightly. She stood up, glaring daggers at Duncan. Normally, Duncan would just smirk back, but his smirk dissolved, and was replaced with fear. Harold put down his guitar, and Duncan put the microphone back.

"You think we went too far?" Duncan asked Harold, who slowly nodded. Finally, Courtney let out a high-pitched, murderous shriek. She leaped onto the stage, and let out her loudest shout.

"**DUNCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!**" Duncan and Harold grabbed each other, afraid.

"Run?" Harold asked.

"If you want to live," Duncan replied. With that, the two went running off. Courtney chased after, wanting to unleash her rage on the two idiots.

Geoff shook his head.

"What'd I tell you guys?" he spoke, startling the others. They still stared at Duncan and Harold running from the enraged Courtney. Bridgette sighed.

Well, that's the last time I'll play that song around her if it ever comes up," she admitted. The others nodded in agreement.

"Better yet, probably best not to play anything by Kiss at this point," DJ suggested. The others nodded, watching the big chase.

"THIS WAS SO NOT WORTH 20 BUCKS! GOSH!" Harold shouted, running alongside Duncan.

* * *

The song is called I Was Made for Lovin' You, by Kiss. Yeah, not the most appropriate song to sing to a girl under Duncan's conditions, as seen here. I had an alternate ending planned, but this one is much funnier. Reviews are greatly appreciated!


	2. Alternate Ending in 666 words!

It's very short, but it should earn a laugh or two.

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The next morning at breakfast, the Killer Bass kept peering at the door, waiting for Courtney, Duncan, or Harold. They hadn't returned yet after last night's incident. The Screaming Gophers had found out what happened, but didn't give it very much thought. A few thought it was hilarious, to be honest. Finally, the door opened. Everyone turned to see who it was. It was none other than........................................................................................................................................................ Harold! He had a black eye, and swollen face. He was also limping, and there were a few leaves stuck in his hair. Finally, he reached his seat at the Killer Bass table, and groaned as he sat down.

"What happened to you, dude?" Geoff asked, although he had a feeling what the answer was. Harold let out a sigh.

"She caught me near the bear cave. Duncan ran off, while Courtney beat me up with her bare hands, and a very pointy stick," Harold explained, lifting his shirt to show many puncture wounds. The others cringed.

"What about Duncan?" Bridgette asked. Harold shrugged. Then, the door opened again. This time, it was Courtney. Harold yelped, and hid under the table. She seemed so angry, and red-faced, that no one dared make a move. She sat down next to Bridgette, and began eating the food that Chef had left. Harold tried to crawl away unseen, but DJ held him back, and sat him down.

"Relax, we'll keep her from killing you," he promised. Harold looked over at Courtney, who glared back.

The door opened for the third time. The teens could hear Duncan groan, and were surprised at how he looked. He had a huge lump on the side of his head, and there was dried blood under his nose. There was an amp around his body, from Courtney smashing it over his head. His shirt was ripped up, with blood running down his front and back. He was down on his hands and knees. Well, hand and knee. His other hand was holding onto his nuts. The guys winced at this, understanding immediately. He crawled over to the Bass table, and took his seat. He let out another groan, and looked at Courtney, who was sitting across from him.

"Whoa, Duncan! She must have been pretty mad, huh?" Tyler exclaimed. Duncan merely groaned. He tried his best to glare at Courtney.

"Princess..." he began. Courtney looked at him. "I know you were.... pretty mad.... But, I think..... you went a little too far. Now....... my entire body aches," he told her, half-expecting her to break off into some huge rant about what a pervert he was. But, instead, she smiled.

"Well then, I suppose Nurse Courtney will have to drop by your cabin later to help you feel better," she said, smiling seductively. Everyone immediately turned around to stare at her. Duncan looked the most surprised.

"Huh?" he managed to utter. Courtney stood up, ready to leave. She leaned down, and ruffled his mohawk.

"And maybe we'll see just how accurate your song is, if you're a good little patient," she continued. With that, she walked out, leaving everyone in shock. Duncan still looked the most shocked. Harold was the first to speak.

"Well, Duncan. Looks like your idea actually worked. You got the crap beaten out of you, but it worked," he said, smiling. Geoff and DJ joined in too.

"Just like you said, she wants you," Geoff reminded him.

"Nice," DJ exclaimed, patting him on the back. Duncan finally snapped out of his shock, and stood up. He moved as fast as he could back towards his cabin.

"Hey, Nurse! I know the perfect place where you can begin your treatment!" he shouted, regaining his cockiness.

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